Last Sunday was another heart attack Sunday. I was chilling out with my partner when my brother called.
The home informed him that dad was bleeding and that dad wanted to be sent to the hospital. My brother asked me to call the person in charge and then make a decision.
At the end of 2023, my brother made me the decision maker. Fair enough, me being big sister and all. Besides, he had single handedly shouldered the burden of managing dad's (and mum's) medical emergencies in 2023, with me playing a small role in helping out. It is now my turn.
So I got in touch with the home (and obtained photos) and informed them that I would come by to assess the situation. After jumping up to rush my household chores and settling our grocery run, my partner and I made our way to the home.
Dad had stopped bleeding by then (after taking medication) and was calm. By that time (before leaving for the home) I had already placed instructions with the administrator on conditions to look out for before sending dad to the hospital.
After chatting with dad and assuring him that arrangements have been put in place, my partner and I left.
So far, no news is good news.
Dad told me (and I am paraphrasing here) "I have to go. I am deteriorating. It is a pain for me and a pain for all of you."
Dad has been bedridden for more than a year now. It is sad. Imagine what life is like confined to the bed with a colostomy and urostomy bag attached to your abdomen and having to wear diapers due to an internal leak that the doctors could not repair.
The massive bleeding that dad suffered in 2023 was miraculously contained by a surgical procedure. I remembered my brother calling me that evening to make a decision - to proceed or not? It was a decision that I was not prepared for.
Live or die?
Of course I chose for dad to live (as did my brother), so I said to go ahead and give it a shot. Either he survives or he dies on the operating table (or post surgery).
At least we gave dad the fighting chance to live as he had strongly indicated that he was willing to take the risk. Had he on his own volition said no, let me go, then it would have been a different situation.
There were opinions that we should have let him go. But my conscience is clear. How could I have said no to the intervention and allowed my father to die when he was clearly not ready to go?
But the situation is different now. We have all come to an agreement that when the next emergency hits, there will be no extraordinary measures to be taken to prolong life. Dad himself has come to accept (from my conversation with him) that it is time to rest.
No man is immortal.
I believe his departure is impending due to the bleeding. This could be a repeat of what happened in 2023 or the source of bleeding could be at another site. Something is giving way which can longer be repaired.
I have accepted that we have to let dad go. I will be sad of course, who wouldn't be? But I will take comfort that it will be a liberation. For dad and for our family.
Well, enough of my dark topic. I had to write this to unburden my heart.
Let's talk about food. Tuesday was Thaipusam holiday. I was at home and I got organized to take care of whatever that needed to be done at home (before the time bomb explodes).
Lunch was minced beef and eggs.
There were leftovers, so I used the minced beef to make like a pizza with pepperoni, sliced Jalapenos and cheese. Also very tasty.
The day before (Monday) I broke a 24 hour fast with a big bowl of kimchi jigae. Again, so delicious, hee..hee...
It is about time that fireworks and firecrackers are totally banned! Firecrackers in particular as they are a bloody nuisance while fireworks being limited for use by companies that are licensed to conduct pyrotechnics.
By the way, fireworks and firecrackers are not the same, though the terminology is used interchangeably.
I believe this is the hardest decision that you have to make. This reminds me of my family had made the same decision when my dad was depend on life support after his brain surgery. ~>_<~
ReplyDeleteYes, it is very hard to make this type of decision concerning our parents. Thank you for sharing your experience.
DeleteI totally agree with you that fireworks & firecrackers are to be banned. They are nuisance and disturb sleep when people do not have sense with the time & very selfish. I heard firecrackers around 2am in the morning! I mean people could have played with firecrackers after dark, say 8pm. But why fired firecrackers 2am in the morning?
ReplyDeleteThese people might still be on leave for 15 days over the CNY but not everyone!
I think it is high time the telco send out SMS on & off to remind users to be considerate & stop all firecrackers after say 12:30 midnight
Good you sokong my opinion! LOL! It's about time that something concrete is done to abolish indiscriminate firing of crackers by the public. There should be a law with big fines to curb this type of behavior.
DeleteMy late uncle (mum's younger brother) was bedridden for almost 10 years after a stroke! All 4 children had to chip in to maintain him at the cheapest nursing home in Cheras. My uncle would have committed suicide if he was able to crawl to the balcony to end this miserable life :( So death had released him from all further suffering.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry to hear of your uncle's sad life. When I went to view the nursing home with my brother back in 2023, we saw a bedridden auntie with a feeding tube up her nose. She was just staring into space. I told my brother, if I ever become like that, just kill me.
DeleteI feel sad, just sad reading this post. I will be back to read in more details and leave comments as I just finished work. This reminds me of my dementia uncle (my mom's eldest brother) who is staying in a nursing home. On and off, our family will pay him a few visits randomly but not on a regular weekly basis as we have our own work commitments and other commitments (such as household chores etc). But we try to think on a brighter side that at least he has a big shelter (because dementia can be very dangerous as he doesn't remember how to go home to his own house) with food and nurses/doctors to attend to him should anything happens. Touch wood touch wood. Sometimes I feel guilty and there was one day when I visited him in the nursing home, I bursted out crying when I saw others visiting their family/relatives who were crying also with tears. So emotional. I cried because I felt sympathetic.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear of your uncle's situation. I understand the sadness that you feel. It is a case of no choice because the family has to make a reasonable decision as they cannot take on the burden of caring for him. Just like my case, mum is too old to take care of dad while me and my siblings, we have to make a living. So the only solution is to put dad in the home.
DeleteThe pizza looked yummy! You made the kimchi jigae yourself? Thanks for clarifying that fireworks and firecrackers are different and yes I know, firecrackers are more dangerous cos they are usually low rise whereas fireworks are high in the sky. Hah hah! I have a mind of a guru muahaha! I thought it myself that if you want to have a good future, you should make today a good one as today is actually tomorrow arriving. PH we are with you. Let's encourage one another, jiayou!
ReplyDeleteYes, I cooked the kimchi jigae. Very easy dish to make. You are very wise and philosophical. Today is yesterday's tomorrow and we must pave the way today for a good tomorrow. Jiayou!
DeleteWhen my dad passed on after staying in the hospital ICU for 2 weeks due to a sudden heart attack, I could not help crying for days and months. It was so sudden that I was not even emotionally and mentally prepared. But I consoled myself that at least he only suffered in the hospital for 2 weeks after hearing too many cases of cancer patients suffering and bedridden in hospital for years etc.
ReplyDeleteI was like you back in 2001 when my dad was first diagnosed with cancer. At the time, the doctor told us he had only 8 months to live! I cried and cried and cried! I also prayed a lot. God had been kind because my dad is still alive today. He outlived all his brothers-in-law and his oncologist too. So I should not be sad as my family has been blessed to have dad with us until today. So if his time is up, I accept with an open heart. Thank you for sharing your experience.
DeleteHugs 🫂
ReplyDeleteYour father is a strong and wise man. 🙏
Thank you, but my mum may not agree. LOL!
Deletei am reaching my twilights years ............ i am old man. my will is written. i have no one, no family .........i just want to say to you - stay strong. you are blessed. God Bless you and your family. for me, i have instructed my best friend - scatter my ashes to the sea when i leave planet earth
ReplyDeleteHello Francis Elijah. Thank you for your kind words. You are indeed well prepared. I wish you well, Sir!
DeleteI had also left my will with my family. Scatter my ashes in the garden when my time is up as I WISH to be a durian tree in my next life as trees do not have any pain sensors and they live a life span of thousands years. We never know when we will leave planet earth, life is so unpredictable. Tomorrow may never come. After leaving my will with my family I feel so much at ease.
ReplyDeleteAh! You have made your preparations. That's very good. There are people who go without a will and this is a headache for their family. A durian tree? That's a good option as good durian trees are treasured!
DeleteHope you're holding up...and your dad's fine for now. It's sad...and it's inevitable...we all grow old and have an expiry date. Whatever decision you come to for your dad, it's the right one for you & your family. I also would not want to hold on longer than I should.
ReplyDeleteI am all right for now, thanks. I do get anxious from time to time. But when that moment comes, I hope that God will give me the strength to face the decision and the consequences.
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