A Difficult Conversation

We visited dad at the home on Saturday as usual. The helper who opens the gate for us on our visits was visibly troubled as he informed me that dad has not stopped bleeding.

When mum and I stepped into the room, we could see the drainage bag filled with stale blood. Dad indicated that he wanted to go to the hospital.

At first I thought that we should send him there (via ambulance) for his own peace of mind (even though we have already decided on no further treatment).

Then I sat on his bed and I told him "Pa, I need to have a difficult conversation with you."

Me : Last Sunday you told me "I have to go. I am deteriorating. It is a pain for me and a pain for all of you."

Did I understand you correctly?

Dad : Yes. It is time for me to go. This cannot go on.

Me : Are you prepared to go?

Dad : Yes, I was prepared a long time ago.

Me : If that is the case, going to the hospital is not helping. There is nothing more that can be done.

Dad : Maybe I need a blood transfusion.

Me : A blood transfusion will not improve your condition. It will only prolong the process. 

Dad : Ok. No more hospital. No more treatment. Just let me go.

Me : We love you pa, if possible we don't want to let you go but we have to. Seeing you like this saddens us so we have to let you go. We have to be cruel to be kind.

Dad : No, no, that is not cruel at all. It also hurts me to be stuck like this. 

At this point my other brother came by and I updated him on the latest consensus. Then we left the room to let mum and dad talk.

My siblings and I in conversation highlighted that dad had outlived his two brothers-in-law, he even outlived his oncologist and heck, his Nirvana bereavement agent. 

Dad was diagnosed with bladder cancer with metastases to the colon in 2001, hence the removal of his bladder and colon. He made it to 2025, survived cancer for 23 years. We cannot ask for more.

When I returned to his room, dad was his usual cheerful self and he told me "I feel so much better (after the talk)".

It is a relief that dad has openly accepted his fate and not resisting the inevitable.

I contacted the home administrator on our latest decision and he informed me that it is entirely the decision of the family whether to send their loved one to the hospital or not. I also updated the nurse.

But I could not update the helper (he was busy with lunch preparations) and I thought to leave him a voice message later. 

As we were heading for our lunch destination, the helper called, sounding panicky as he saw more blood  in the bag. So we turned back and I went to dad's room. Dad was relaxed and reading the newspaper while the helper was freaking out. LOL!

I took the guy aside and calmly explained to him the situation which calmed him down.  So we are all now on the same page. 

Now that this issue is sorted out, we are relieved and we know what to expect. It is just a matter of time. Meanwhile, life has to go on.

Due to the brief diversion, we decided to go back to Kar Hiong (original plan was to go to another eatery).

Mum's special request was the Steamed Asam Fish.

Paku Belacan is the best pairing for the asam fish.

I thought the Sayur Manis Stir Fried with Eggs was another good addition.

Again we ordered the Signature Ribs. When I asked my brother if we should get M or L, he said since mummy is paying, we get L wahahaha!!!

This was mum's lunch treat, so thank you mummy for the scrumptious feast!

Although I feel a sense of relief, the heavy sadness of what is to come is not far from my thoughts. I must stay calm and clear headed to face the inevitable.