Yesterday at the office, I had moments of deep sadness and I cried many times. I was in effect doing intermitted crying instead of intermittent fasting.
It's really hard. Only those who have experienced losing their beloved pets know what it feels like. The sight of TuTu's stiff and lifeless yesterday morning was like a stab to my heart. She was the most adorable and affectionate among my three kittens.
I know that I will feel this way for a little while. Though life goes on, I will still grieve and I am entitled to grieve and mourn her loss. That is only human, isn't it?
My partner and I buried TuTu in the garden yesterday. Initially I thought of having her cremated via the vet (but subsequently found out they do not provide the service) but my partner was of the opinion that we should lay her to rest at home, her place of birth.
So when the ground was ready, I lifted TuTu and placed her gently in the grave and said my goodbyes. Once she was covered with soil, I felt a wave of peace come over me. It was a comforting feeling. But of course, the sadness still lingered.
I put empty flower pots on top of her grave so that the site would not be disturbed. Rest in peace and move on to your next life Tu!
I know that it is not good to seek comfort in foods (because inevitably it involves carbs) but that's my short term solution.
A hot cup of black coffee. That was so good!
Sourdough Focaccia - the carbs. Luckily I ordered 1/4 instead of 1/2 as it was a big slice.
There are two variations - Garlic & Olive and Cherry Tomatoes & Onions.
I went with the Garlic & Olive. So good! The Focaccia was soft and chewy.
And I found a piece of garlic. Yums!
After that the mandatory mall walk where I found that Red Kettle was closed for renovations.
Back home, dinner was steak, kimchi and chicken broth.
And a serving of milk kefir for dessert. This morning I had a good cry and I feel much better now.
๐ซ๐ซ๐ซ๐ซ๐ซ I was very sad yesterday too. All your furkids are like family to your readers here as you have shared so much of the joy they bring to you with us. As I am typing these words, tears swelled in my eyes. We are grieving with you. ๐ฅน
ReplyDeleteTutu is now running free over the ๐ bridge.
Thank you for burying her in your garden ๐ ๐
Thank you for your kind words. I am still feeling the pain of losing TuTu. But I know I will heal in time.
DeleteHugs PH. The only console is that while TU TU is alive she has enjoyed her life. Had fun and good food. I know how it feels especially when TU TU is such an adorable and affectionate cat. Your family (your partner, your brother and your mom) will be with you during these trying times. I know how it feels when you said you felt peaceful after burying tutu in your garden. It is like a closure to everything but I guess the pain will still linger around for a while. Stay strong PH. Your blogger friends are here to comfort you and share your pain.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words. I am still sad and my heart still feels the pain but I know that in time, I will heal.
DeleteI applaud you for your strength. I don't think I could have dealt with Cookie's body like you did with Tutu to even bury her on your own. When I saw Cookie's lifeless body at the vet, I immediately broke down. I don't think I would have been able to go through the burial myself if not for the vet taking care of it for me. Looking back at the photos of his cremation (which they will send to you) always bring a tear to my eye. We will always look back at Tutu's photos with fondness. Rest in peace, Tutu. P/S: It's very strange that your vet does not provide "after life" services, so that means you have to take back your cats who have passed on in future (oh dear!) T_T That's why it's important to choose the right vet.
ReplyDeleteI think I had the strength because my partner was with me (he did the digging) and he asked me to tell TuTu to move on to her next life, to a better life. That's when I felt peace. I can understand how you felt because when I saw TuTu's lifeless body that Monday morning, my heart simply exploded and I cried. But somehow I had the strength to handle her body and to examine and then bury her. Gosh, the emotional pain is terrible. I will always remember TuTu with love and fondness. As of today, I thought I was OK but my heart is still heavy with sadness and the tears still flowed. P.S. The vet gave me the contact of a pet crematorium. Haiz!
DeleteI know the feeling alright when you looked at Tutu's lifeless body. Tears will flow for a while, I'm afraid. Stay strong. P/S: Also I'd like you to tell you to choose a vet that's willing to provide "end of life" (in the unfortunate case it's needed). My vet didn't coz it's against their principle (to end life) it seems. I know it sounds cruel but sometimes it has to be done to end suffering. One day perhaps I will write a post on why this is important.
DeleteThank you, Kris. Your words comfort me. Ah, I never thought of "end of life" issue for pets. Do write about it and also any other issues so that me and others can learn from it.
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